Talk:Jamie (Webisodes)

Current version
There are numerous poorly written and awkward sentences in the version that one administrator is preventing the community from editing:
 * No mention of Jamie appearing in a webisode.
 * No mention of when all of these events take place.
 * "After the car accident and noticing her mother was" -- what car accident? There is no description of the car accident before this sentence.
 * "After the car accident and noticing her mother was unconscious and assumed she was dead, her and her brother, Billy head to their father's house to be rescued." run on sentence.
 * "She and her brother reside there under the care and protection of their father and are then joined by their mother later after she regains consciousness and arrives at the house after being chased by walkers." run on sentence, awkward sentence structure.
 * "The family is reunited with their mom and is whole again." awkward sentence.
 * "While the parents discuss the growing risks of staying at the house, the family decided that they should try to get to a safe zone in Atlanta." past tense and present tense in same sentence - discuss and decided
 * "The parents gather supplies for their trip, her brother, Billy continues looks out the dinning room window wondering where the dog could be while she eats peanut butter." minor detail, not vital to description of Jamie. Can be kept in article, but needs to be rewritten.
 * "Her step mother, Judy is infected and rolled up in a rug begins to move about." awkward sentence structure.
 * "When the walker doesn't see them, her and her brother head to the closet to hide however, the walker notices the closet door closing and bangs on the door to get to him." misplaced however, awkward sentence needs to be rewritten.
 * "Jamie and her brother both scream for help and their mother comes to the rescue and kills the undead corpse of their step mom Judy." awkward sentence structure, needs to be rewritten.
 * "The family decides to escape, they will need a vehicle, she mentions that the neighbor, Mr. Palmer has a pick-up truck at his house." who Jamie? awkward sentence structure, missing the word "but"
 * "Her father, Andrew not knowing how to hot wire a car, decides to go and get the keys to the truck at Palmer's house." awkward sentence structure, needs to be rewritten.
 * "Her mom gets in to find the keys still inside but unfortunately is bitten by a walker sitting in the back seat." poorly written sentence.
 * No mention of mother's plight which is the central reason for webisode.

Wikiasmikia 16:11, January 2, 2012 (UTC)