"... I Lose Myself" is the sixteenth and final episode of the fourth season of AMC's Fear The Walking Dead. It is the fifty-third episode of the series overall. It premiered on September 30, 2018. It was written by Andrew Chambliss & Ian Goldberg and directed by Michael Satrazemis.
Morgan struggles to find the strength to help friends in dire need before it's too late.
Althea flees into a building to escape a herd. There, she finds a walkie and tries to contact the group to no avail. She spots a TV news van nearby and watches some of the tapes. Then, she hot-wires a police car and drives back to the hospital, only to encounter Martha with a zombified Jim. Martha tells Al she watched her tapes and admires her strength. She orders Al to give Morgan a message, but she refuses. Martha attacks Al with Jim and then knocks her unconscious.
A while later, Al wakes up in the SWAT truck where John and June tell her they found her alone in the street with a tape from Martha. In the video, Martha tells Morgan that she's disappointed in him and vows to make him strong.
At night, the group sits around a campfire and Morgan describes his plan to pick up more boxes at the truck stop to distribute them en route to Alexandria. Later, John confronts Morgan about still wanting to save Martha. "I understand her... I used to be her," Morgan counters before handing John a map to Alexandria and promising to meet them there.
John tells Morgan they will wait for Morgan at the truck stop and come looking for him after two days. Morgan heads out on his own and radios Martha to meet up. She tells him she's at Mile Marker 54.
The next day, the group arrives at the truck stop and stocks up on supplies from the store. Al replenishes the artillery in the SWAT van. June confesses to John she was worried he would be disappointed in learning she was a different person than he thought, but he assures her she's everything he thought and kisses her.
Meanwhile, Morgan arrives at Mile Marker 54. He finds a zombified Jim inside a police car and puts him down. He sees Martha lying injured by her husband's grave and walks up to her, insisting on helping. "Not yet," she snarls. Morgan drags her into the police car and starts driving.
On the road, Martha bangs her feet in protest. Morgan offers medicine, but she refuses. Morgan tells John via walkie that he is bringing Martha back to the truck stop, but loses contact.
A group of walkers approaches the truck stop. Al prepares to fight them but collapses. Alicia shoots at the herd and then instructs everyone to get inside as the noise will attract more.
Back in the car, Martha tells Morgan about her husband Hank and how she was unable to help him. June radios Morgan to tell him they're all getting sick and to rush back. Martha asks Morgan for the medicine. As Morgan hands it to her, she grabs his arm and attacks him, causing them to crash. She pulls him out of the car and marks, "I lose people... I lose myself" in sharpie on his face. Morgan wakes up with a leg injury and Martha reveals she has been bitten a while ago and taunts him, saying he must either kill her or she will kill him.
At the truck stop, everyone doubles over in pain as more walkers scrape at the windows. June realizes that someone opened the water bottles in the store and poisoned the water. Al deduces it was Martha.
June tells Morgan that Martha poisoned the water. Martha confesses to putting anti-freeze in the water and tells Morgan all her friends will die. Morgan suddenly loses it and starts choking her in anger before seeing himself in the mirror and stop. He handcuffs Martha to the car and hobbles away.
After walking for a while, Morgan finds an abandoned car on the road and drives off. However, he keeps walking after his car runs out of gas.
At the truck stop, Althea watches tapes from her travels when suddenly she hears Morgan on the radio. Finally able to communicate, Morgan tells them it's anti-freeze. June tells them the antidote is ethanol and the group hatches a plan to get it from one of the trucks outside.
June and Charlie create a distraction while the rest kill the walkers and push forward. Al jumps in her SWAT truck and machine guns the walkers outside, while accidentally putting holes into the tank and causing the ethanol to drain out.
June updates Morgan on their problem and he tells them he can't lose them. John encourages him and says he's strong with or without them. The radio dies as a group of walkers approach him. Morgan injures himself taking them out and lays on the ground feeling defeated.
Althea makes a tape of herself and says that whoever finds the tapes to keep them safe. Suddenly, Morgan shows up and reveals that he brought a truck of Jim's Augie's Ale, saving the day.
The group drinks the beer and suddenly regain their strength. Strand tells Alicia he thought he’d never have anyone to drink with again and Alicia says he has her. John jokingly warns Charlie that this is the last time she drinks a beer until she is 21.
Morgan brings the group back to the place he left Martha. He finds her severed arm attached to the police car and sees her turned, walking on the road. He stabs her in the head and then buries her.
Wendell asks if they're still going to Alexandria and Morgan says he's no longer going. He says that Martha became the person she was because nobody helped her when she needed it and that more people need help.
The group arrives at Clayton's supply factory and Morgan says they should follow his path and help others. Alicia says it can't just be about boxes, they need to build something like Madison would want. Al suggests they can start with the people she interviewed.
Shortly after, Morgan's group mobilizes a convoy of vehicles outside the factory. They load up on ammo and head out. Morgan gets on his walkie and broadcasts that they are coming to help anyone who might be in need.
- Isaiah Cox as Walker
- Rachel Prieto as Walker
- First appearance of Wittington's Denim Company.
- Last appearance of Jim Brauer. (Zombified)
- Last appearance of Martha.
- The episode name refers to Morgan Jones telling Althea why he left Virginia: "I lose people, and then I lose myself".
- It is also written on Morgan's forehead by Martha after the car accident.
- Alexandria is mentioned by name while the Kingdom and Shiva are directly referenced though Morgan skirts the issue when Al asks if Shiva is still around.
- Martha calls for Morgan to meet her at Mile Marker 54 which is where her husband Hank died in a flashback in "MM 54".
- At the Mile Marker, Hank and Martha's car is still seen crashed into the guardrail and Morgan finds Martha at Hank's grave. Martha also gives Morgan a more complete explanation of what happened to her husband.
- Morgan's journey with an injured leg to save his friends mirrors his journey from Alexandria in "What's Your Story?" with similar scenes being used to depict the journey itself.
- After Al takes out the walkers, the group is devastated because the bullets caused all of the ethanol to leak out of the truck. However, all they had to do was bring the container over to the holes and fill it with the spilling ethanol. Both Luciana and Strand were close enough, especially given the size of the tanker.
- When Morgan leaves the police car he walks off without his backpack, but in the next scene he's once again wearing it.
- When Morgan stabs the undead Martha in the head, as he pulls his weapon out and as she falls, her eyes remain trained on Morgan the whole time, even though she falls to the side. Her eyes should be facing straight ahead the entire time, as she was put down and could no longer focus on him.